Cheryl Cole: 'I had a sexual health check after Ashley affairs'
In extracts of her autobiography Cheryl: My Story published in The Sun, the Girls Aloud star confessed that she "totally lost it" when claims of the footballer's infidelity first emerged.
She discusses in the book how she decided to forgive him, until further allegations were made public. The couple finally divorced in 2010.
"As I started to read [the allegations], I felt numb inside," she said. "There were four different women saying they had sex with Ashley. I pushed the papers away, feeling sick at the smell of the newsprint, and then I actually vomited.
"I'd seen enough to know that the trust had completely gone out of our marriage, and I was doing the right thing divorcing Ashley. He had hurt me so very badly. I sat alone for ages, thinking to myself, 'I have no idea who my husband is any more'.
"I was being chased by the paparazzi everywhere - and I mean everywhere. One day I went for a sexual health check, which was traumatic enough without having a pack of men pointing cameras at me and following me to the clinic.
"I had to face the fact that Ashley's infidelity had been putting me at risk for a long time, and I had to put my mind at rest. I was given the all clear, but my emotional health was still in so much danger, having to deal with crap like that.
"I didn't realise it, but I think I was actually going through a nervous breakdown. Throughout the X Factor Live Shows I was cracking up."
She added: "I felt sorry for him, because despite what he'd done he was still a person I'd loved more deeply than I'd ever loved anyone before, and he was suffering. He knew that divorcing him was not what I wanted, not really. But I couldn't do it any more.
"Part of me would always love Ashley. The difference now was that I also knew that there was so much water under the bridge that I would drown if I ever went back to him."
Cheryl: My Story is released on October 11.
Photo gallery - Cheryl Cole through the years:
Copyright: Rex Features ITV